Prayer from sometime in August 2013
Jesus,
I need to be honest here.
It's hard for me to focus on you right now.
My head and my heart are distracted by life and just things--songs, experiences, memories, day dreams, lists of things to do, feelings of self-doubt.
Jesus, please quiet my spirit and still my soul.
Insecurity.
In who I am or if I can do what you ask of me.
This is me placing my worth in what I can do or how well I can perform or how pretty I am.
That hurts to admit.
My fear is that if I'm not working on something then I'm lazy.
Because that suggests that my worth is in how useful I am.
And, can I still be loved if I'm not useful?
That's the lie hidden in the question that drives my fear.
It's noise--please be a shield to my mind and heart, please fix my mind on you.
Oh, and there is a restlessness that lingers in contentment.
Jesus, forgive me for my tongue that teases too much and too swiftly. My words and jokes can and have hurt others. Forgive me for the pride in my heart and my haughty eyes that seek to glorify and justify myself.
I claim your forgiveness and sanctification over my life and sins: past, present, and future.
amen.
I need to be honest here.
It's hard for me to focus on you right now.
My head and my heart are distracted by life and just things--songs, experiences, memories, day dreams, lists of things to do, feelings of self-doubt.
Jesus, please quiet my spirit and still my soul.
Psalm 131--Where is the noise inside coming from?
"My heart is not proud, O Lord,
my eyes are not haughty;
I do not concern myself with great matters
or things too wonderful for me.
But I have stilled and quieted my soul,
like a weaned child with its mother,
like a weaned child is my soul within me.
O Israel, put your hope in the Lord
both now and forevermore."
Insecurity.
In who I am or if I can do what you ask of me.
This is me placing my worth in what I can do or how well I can perform or how pretty I am.
That hurts to admit.
My fear is that if I'm not working on something then I'm lazy.
Because that suggests that my worth is in how useful I am.
And, can I still be loved if I'm not useful?
That's the lie hidden in the question that drives my fear.
It's noise--please be a shield to my mind and heart, please fix my mind on you.
Oh, and there is a restlessness that lingers in contentment.
Jesus, forgive me for my tongue that teases too much and too swiftly. My words and jokes can and have hurt others. Forgive me for the pride in my heart and my haughty eyes that seek to glorify and justify myself.
I claim your forgiveness and sanctification over my life and sins: past, present, and future.
amen.
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